א גוטס צום שמייכלן

פעדלער כתב:איי איי איי סופר, עס ציפט........

די ערשטע פאר מיר,

אה פעדלער, כ'האב נישט געוואוסט אז דו בוזט א גוגל בתורה?

סופר סת"ם כתב:ווען דער פויבסט טרעפט זיך מיטן פרעימער מיניסטער פון מדינת ישראל, וויאזוי דערקענט מען ווער איז ווער?

זייער פשוט, דער וואס גייט מיטן קאפל איז דער פויבסט.

חחחחח, האב איך געלאכט, א ביטער'ס

יונגעלע: טאטי וויפיל געלט קאסט חתונה צו האבן?
טאטע: כ'ווייס נישט, איך באצאל נאך יעצט דערפאר

רויבער קומט אריין אין א רעסטעראנט: מאני אר לייף !!
ארבעטער: טו סטעי אר טו גאו ?

די FBI און די KGB און די ש"ב האבן אמאל געמאכט א קאנטעסט, מ'גייט באפרייען אן עלעפאנט אין א גרויסע פעלד, און ווער ס'גייט עס כאפן די ערשטע גייט געוואונען.
די ערשטע אין די רייע איז געווען די FBI, זיי האבן זיך אריינגעלאזט אין די ארבעט, מיט קאמס עראפלאנען סאטעלייט בילדער, און נאך צוויי טאג האט מען געכאפט דעם עלעפאנט.
די צווייטע איז געגאנגען די KGB מיט אגענטן אונטער יעדן בוים, אונטערהער אפארטן אונטער יעדן צווייגל, און נאך צוויי טאג געכאפט דעם עלעפאנט.
צו לעצט איז אריין די ש"ב (פרטים זענען אין געהיים), נאך צוויי שעה קומען זיי ארויס מיט א..
קעצל!

א קעצל?
יא ער האט מודה געווען אז ער איז דער עלעפאנט.

חחחחח

סופר סת"ם כתב:

פעדלער כתב:איי איי איי סופר, עס ציפט........

די ערשטע פאר מיר,

אה פעדלער, כ'האב נישט געוואוסט אז דו בוזט א גוגל בתורה?

די ערשטע העלפט בין איך זיכער!

סופר

גוט

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!
A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how r u'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.'
It looks quite simple, but the truth is... When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who r u?' (Instead of 'How r u?'.) Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...' Then Mori replied 'me too, ha-ha.. .'.
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

Listen to all of this:
Ordering a pizza in 2010?. . ..

This is absolutely hilarious, but the scary part about it is that it's probably not too far away from being reality. Want to know how to order a pizza in 2010? Click the link and see. . turn up the volume. . listen closely. . watch the pointer carefully!

Click here: http://aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'



Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved. '



The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and dad said they developed from monkeys?'



The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

The Blue Pigeon…

The mayor of Haifa was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Haifa..

He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Haifa was full of pigeon poop, the people of Haifa could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads.

It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.

'I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions.

Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.'

The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue sky.

All the pigeons in Haifa saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Haifa pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.

The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.

The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous service to rid Haifa of the plague of pigeons.
Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.

Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?

Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?

Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?

Nooooooo!

The mayor asked:

Do you have a blue Arab?'

יישר כח חאצקל

יעדע עקסטער האט מיר געמאכט א שמייכל טוהן (איינס האט מיר גראדע געמאכט לאכן געס וועלכע?.)

A successfull man is one who earns more then his wife spends, a successfull women is who finds such a man...

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses.
The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Johnny stands up.
The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

You know the bottles that say 'refrigerate after opening', don't you think it makes more sense to write 'refrigerate after closing'

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Jarden, the 9 year old next door,
whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Jarden clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID Ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Jarden grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
Before?''

No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little crud.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?



Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone
believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?



Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?




Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?



Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?



Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?



Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?



Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?



And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

חחחחחחחחחח

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